A lesbian mum stumbling through Covid 19

Video chat and hypochondriacs

Well we’ve survived week one of lockdown without killing each other. I only know it has been a week because my wife was in the house all of yesterday and the day before and she wasn’t working. Yep – I’ve lost all sense of time already, but my wife would be the first to tell you that I never had the best grip on time anyway.

So far we have:

Exercised with Joe Wicks on Youtube along with a million other people. We didn’t realise we needed to be in pro-footballer condition for this. The boys did their best. Windows were opened, water bottles were snatched and clothes were shed. Eli threw in the towel two thirds in. I got so hot I ended up in my underpants. My stomach is still sore and now the kids look at me in fear when I say Joe Wicks.

OD’d on video chat – we’re not usually this sociable. My monthly data allowance has been maxed out and I now parody Michael McIntyre parodying middle class folks negotiating what video app to use: “Shall we Skype? I use Facetime. Well I prefer Zooooom… Don’t you have Whats APP? Let’s Houseparrrrrteeeee…”

Celebrated Eli’s 7th birthday. Luckily we got his presents before the lockdown.

Concocted cocktails with random ingredients from the back of the cupboard. Mine was along the lines of a Tequila Sunrise with home made elderflower cordial so old it was starting to fizz, tonic and a dash of Ikea blueberry cordial that we can’t give away. I could call it a Tequila Sunset but Tequila Sunstroke my be more apt.

Done a lot of dancing. WII Dance 2 has become our favourite wake up activity.

Also I don’t usually drink every evening but the minute Rowena get’s home and starts ranting about the absurdity of trying to maintain social distancing in the narrow corridor at work (they have to dive into random offices to avoid each other) or during a procedure on a large hoof stock animal requiring 5 people to lift it, she pours herself a spritzer and I realise that I really need the wine minus the water. In fact just hand me the bottle. This drinking has led to me waking up every day with a cough and a splutter which I immediately think is coronavirus. No Hannah, it’s just a hangover. Can anyone else feel the blossom is out? No Hannah you don’t have the virus, it’s just hay fever. What’s up with my eyes? I have unusual crust in the mornings and they’re watering in the evenings. No Hannah it’s not Covid 19, its just exposure to house dust. My nose randomly dribbled liquid for no apparent reason. First I thought it was a nosebleed but the liquid was clear. After thinking my brain was melting I decided it was just a freaky snot episode. Don’t tell anyone.
Rowena got very stressed yesterday because Noah, our 9 year old, woke up with tummy ache and a headache. She wasn’t sure if she should self-isolate from work, but with two vets already doing so they’re already struggling. We scoured the NHS website for virus symptoms. None of his were listed. We waited. No other symptoms emerged so she’s back to work today. We don’t need to batten down any more hatches yet.

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